Saturday, October 31, 2009

When October Goes...

I love Barry Manilow. I always have. He may look younger now than he did when he was in his 20's in the 70's with all the plastic surgery he has had, but I love his music.

I remember growing up and listening to Copacabana and then getting hooked on all of his other hits, and they are endless. But one in particular has stayed with me and that was the song called "When October Goes" It was an old poem that he had taken and put into a song and even to this day, on every Halloween, I listen to it as October runs into November.

The song goes like this:

And when October goes The snow begins to fly
Above the smokey roofs I watch the planes go by
The children running home Beneath a twilight sky
Oh, for the fun of them When I was one of them

And when October goes The same old dream appears
And you are in my arms To share the happy years
I turn my head away To hide the helpless tears
Oh how I hate to see October go

I should be over it now I know
It doesn't matter much How old I grow
I hate to see October go

Goodbye to the last October in the 2000's...

See you next year in a different decade!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Celebrities and their whining...

I was watching the World Series preview on TV last night and I saw Pedro Martinez really complaining about how he might be the most hated man who ever walked into Yankee Stadium.


Well, let's see Pedro...You're walking into a stadium that is called the House that Ruth Built (the old stadium) so that means that Babe Ruth and dozens of Yankee greats entertained the home crowd for almost a hundred years. They have more championships than any franchise in the world, so that means that they are going to be passionate about their team.

In contrast, you played in a World Series for their sworn enemy, threw down their 70 year old Don Zimmer in a brawl, played for the cross town rival Mets, and I'm sure that there are a many other reasons that I am failing to mention. So, you would think that you would figure this out for yourself that the people of NY want your head now that you are in another World Series battle with them. I love it that he doesn't understand why the press called and dipicted him as a devil and he takes it personally.

Grow a set Pedro!!

They're trying to get your goat, and obviously you are demonstrating to them that they have won. You are from a poor Latin American country and you make millions playing a kids game. You probably have made more money in your career than your country (the Dominican Republic) has in GNP in any given year. Sure you can toss a ball really well at a white plate 66 feet away from a raised platform. Good for you, because if you couldn't do that, you would most likely be picking bananas in a field in your home country for 5 dollars a year. If it weren't for people hating you and knowing who you are, you would be a nobody that nobody cares about and then, you wouldn't be making the money you are making.

Choose which one you would rather have! Hmmmmm, that's what I thought.

It always amazes me that celebrities and athletes expect to make millions of dollars in the public eye, and STILL expect to still retain their privacy. I got news for you, if you are making that kind of money, it's the people who are most likely stalking you and taking interest in your pathetic lives that enables you to have the lavish liefstyle that you have!

If you are that dumb to think that you are being hard done by, let's start setting up contracts for those about to hit it big. Before you make all this money and have a lifestyle of the rich and famous, you must sign a waiver that you know that your privacy will never be the same and that you have to take it as a trade off with all the money you are now about to make. So that will take care of the bitching. Going into it, you should know the deal... But we all know that you would still sign...

People like Kate Gosselin don't understand that because the Papparazi outside her house taking pictures of her and her rug rat kids are paying for their lavish lifestyle that they never would've dreamed about 5 years ago. Would you rather try to manage your life with 8 kids and Jon still working as an IT professional full time and try to manage without the benefits that fame has given you? -Again, that's what I thought. Be thankful that there are losers out there who have no lives and want to watch yours, and give you millions in exchange for it.

And if you are completely stupid and do it to yourself like socialites like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Lindsay Lohan, I have no sympathy for you. You can't play the pussy card and complain about your woes, when you are using it to build your multi-million empire.

Yes, life is hard, but it seems to me that it makes it a lot easier to cope with when you can retreat to your Malibu Canyon estate and enjoy every choice that money can give you. -Just don't expect us to cry for you because you have every resource in the world and you have chosen poorly with them.

Because us "poor" people don't have that option...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Smoking...Do you really want to quit?

To tell you the truth, I can't believe that the smoking industry is still finding new victims to try their products...

If I was a salesman standing outside on a street and I was trying to sell these things, it would be a pretty hard existance. I mean, the yellow teeth and fingers are hard to deny. The bad breath and smell that encompasses you is pretty annoying. The looks that you get when your smoke goes in someone else's face is almost a death wish.

Of course, I haven't even really hit on the major factors like health studies. It is a fact that you are actually PAYING your own tax dwindled dollar to buy these cigarettes and shorten your life. It quite literally does suck the life right out of you.

If you have ever looked at the face of a Meth addict, it's pretty incredible. But only incredible that it does the damage to your face in only a fraction of the time that smoking does in your lifetime. You can pick out a smoker in a crowd just by the weathered skin they have. As vain as every person is about their appearance, I would think that this would be reason enough to quit.

But it isn't...

Ok, I could go on and on with lung statistics and cancer numbers but it wouldn't really make much of a difference because you've heard it all before. One could almost argue that smoking is just a way of playing Russian Roulette over a longer period of time before your time runs out. Everybody has heard this over and over again, but it still doesn't sink in.

Having had all 4 of my grandparents pass away from cancer and watching someone struggle to fight to take their very last breath as they literally suffocate to death is something that I will never forget. I wouldn't wish anyone to see that, especially from someone that they dearly cared for.

So what does it take to quit? They say that cigarette smoking is literally the toughest addiction to break. It's actually a 2 part process. You have to actually stop the smoking, and then you have to stop the patterns of smoking. It's all about breaking routines that we as people cling to as we get older.

It starts with the morning wake up cough, flem coming up and then clearing your throat with a tasty smoke. Yummy!! I'm so glad I don't get to wake up to that every morning... But throughout your morning, there is the newspaper and smoke, drive and smoke, smokebreak, coffee and smoke. Notice how there is an attachment to every single one? The one that defies me, is the smokebreak partner. You could actually HATE the person you go down for a smoke with, but as long as you don't have to sit outside and smoke alone, that's all that counts, right?

Well, if you REALLY want to stop smoking, it's a luckier day for you than it was for those trapped in the habit a generation ago. There are wonderful techniques that can help you break the habit. -AND if you are in Toronto area, I will do you one better...

The reasons are simple to quit. I need not go on about them. But if you really don't want to smoke anymore and you need help doing it, I'm going to take away that option for you. You're going to get the help in the form of laser treatment which will take away your urge to smoke. You will need to re-learn new habits to break the pattern of smoking, but this may be the help you need.

Click on this link and call Dr. Sasha Green and tell her that I sent you to get the friends and family rate to finally quit smoking today.

They are located in midtown Toronto on the Yonge St Subway line. Call them to start the process today.

416 924-0777.

Now you really don't have a reason to NOT quit. It's an easy decision, so make the right choice and kick that habit for good. Your family and friends will love you a lot longer for it!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Hump Day

It seems that people have a facination with Wednesdays, or "Hump" days.

Getting over the hump of the work week really seems to be the rallying point for all us labourers to the cause of making a living. Well, today there are many things that are points of interest in Hump Day...

It could be that you are a massive Michael Jackson fan and you have been anxiously awaiting the release of his movie that is in theatres today. I should think that the theatres will be packed on Hump Day the likes that we have never seen for a Wednesday. Michael may not be with us anymore, but there is little doubt that he can still pack a venue.

It could be that you are from NY and you have waited to see your beloved NY Yankees head to their first World Series since 2003. Or on the other side of the coin, you could be waiting patiently as a Phillies fan from the city of Brotherly Love to take down the hated Yankees.

You could be waiting for a cheque today, or waiting to finish off a big business deal that would certainly require a celebration, or getting a promotion or a raise or your year end review. Good luck with that!

It could be your birthday today!! Yay for birthdays! They really are so special. I think that birthdays are the one day in the entire year that are yours alone. Its such a special day no matter what age you are. If you are young, it is all about you. If you are older, the excitement lessens, but the people around you make you feel like King/Queen for a day. I don't care how old you are, the words "Happy Birthday" in any language is enough to put a smile on your face when they are talking to you.

But today could also be a day where you've lost someone dear, or the day you are saying goodbye for the final time to that person. There are never any words to describe this feeling and more than likely, your day will be filled with sorrow.

Maybe you are saying goodbye to a pet who has been a loyal and given you a decade of love and adoration. It doesn't seem that this should be a loss -I mean, they are not a person. It's just an animal, right? Well, if you think that, you've obviously never owned a dog or a cat that you've considered to be family. The one living creature who consistently greets you at the door with unconditional love no matter what has happened, either good or bad on that day. Saying goodbye to love like that is so tough because you know that it will never be replaced in the same way.

Or, you could be waiting 5 time zones away from one of your best friend's home. Waiting for news that would make you breathe a sigh of relief that her husband has beaten Cancer. -That one of the most beautiful people that you know gets a second chance, and that all the suffering to date is about to pay off with a negative scan. "Free of Cancer".

Now THAT would be a great hump day! It would come at a time where everyone was tired from battling and battling and now there is some hope. -And any kind of hope at this point would be appreciated. So I patiently wait for good news wondering what the world will look like in a matter of hours. I could re-read this post tomorrow and know all the answers and still feel the curiosity of what the next tomorrow will bring, but I'll worry about that another time.

Today, I'll spend my time on this Hump Day with all that it brings. So whether you are on the good side, or the bad side of this Hump Day, it is only 24 hours in total. So enjoy it to the fullest if you are having a great day, and know that this day and the feeling today will pass if it is a bad day.

And Henry and Pavanne, I'm thinking about the both of you and your fight. I hope that your Hump Day is exactly what you need to get over that hump that you've been fighting since Spring. And all of us from across the pond are thinking of you...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What I would do if I were Kate Gosselin

I'd like to play role play today!!

I think I'm going to play this game from time to time and today, I'm going to be Kate Gosselin from "Jon & Kate Plus 8" fame.

(If you have been hiding under a rock for the past 5 years, Kate Gosselin is the woman who has a set of twins and a set of sextuplets. In total, she has 8 kids. Her dumbass estranged husband Jon finally left her and now they are living their reality show in separate lives.)

Anyway, I'm playing the role of Kate today. So the first thing I did this morning when I woke up is get my organic coffee. It's probably packaged by Columbians who don't know what "organic" is, but they know that there is a higher mark-up on people like me who need organic products so they package it as such. Columbians 1, Kate 0. Well Done, Columbia;)

Well, the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet, so I plan on yelling at my super annoying eldest twin Maddy first. This kid is the mirror image of what I deserve as a parent, so that makes her the biggest foot-stomping, whiney, snot-nosed, control freak of a 9 year old that can be found. I don't see it yet, but the similarity of how she is compared to the genes I gave her is almost uncanny.

Next, I planned to get my HAIRCUT.

Yes, I'm tired of all the papparazzi taking photographs of my kids and seeing how bad my hair really is. When I looked in the mirror at the hairstylist, I actually thought it looked kinda cool for a 30 something yummy mummy. Hell, I would shag me, even though my husband won't. Oh well, his loss. I'll let some hot Latino make me feel feel like a woman if he doesn't want some of this... I even made sure that I got some new silicon tickets for the next guy to play with just to make it interesting. They usually go for about 6 grand a set, but I get all my surgeries and trips comp'ed because, well, I'm Kate Gosselin, that's why...

Oh God, my phone's ringing. It's Jon calling from his NYC condo with that tramp of a hussy he calls girlfriend. I can't believe that I write books (2 so far) and go out on the road where people wait in line for hours to have me sign their copy just so I can support his lame ass and allow him to buy that hussy a $20,000 rock. I mean, he bought me a cubic zirconia when we first got engaged when we were out of Penn State! He said it was a diamond, but I think he got duped... I can't believe I let him inseminate me. -Twice...Ugh!!

Well, at least I get to go work out with my personal trainer. God, is he hunky!! Of course, he MUST want some of this. Who wouldn't? -I'm Kate Gosselin! I'm going to be a movie star someday, you just wait and see.

Well, after that "work out" (I must've burned at least 300 calories the HARD way...) I'm back to deal with my little rug-rats. 8 kids can make you go a little crazy...and I know that you've seen me lose it a couple times on TV, but you don't know what I go through in a day. Making a million dollars working from home is a stressful thing!! Well, what am I saying, You wouldn't know because you are poor. Well, I may be a control freak, a bossy, annoying, foot-stomper who uses her kids to make millions. But you are poor. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you are....

And I'm rich.

Well, I have to go into make-up now. The show wants to shoot and now that my caffeine has kicked in and now that I have all my womanly needs met by my little Latino love machine, I can appear calm on the set with my kids.

Thanks for sharing a day with me, I'm Kate Gosselin. Look for me in all the Papparazzi magazines that give me all the superstar status of a celebrity, even though I simply have 8 kids and a dumbass ex-husband.

Oh Whatever! I see you rolling your eyes!! I don't care what you think. Until you stop watching my show, and I'm back to being a regular citizen again without attention. Attention that feeds my reality show which in turn allows me a lavish lifestyle for me and my kids. Hmmmm, let me ponder that...

Wait, What was I saying?

Oh, who cares, I'm Kate Gosselin...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Losing someone special

There are dates and times that most of us remember throughout the year. Mostly they are comprised of birthdays of family and friends. We also remember holidays and some other small dates that we can manage to remember by ourselves. For the more obscure dates, we use reminders on the computer or date books to help our aging and busy minds remember dates that may not be oh so important to us, but are important to others, like anniversaries of family and friends ect.

But through the year are dates which aren't remembered as much and they certainly don't get the recognition that, say birthdays may retrieve. These are much somber days to remember and often, we do it alone or in small numbers gathered together.

These are the days that we lose someone dear to us...

They are no less important than a birthday, but they aren't really remembered as such because they are awkward to approach, aren't they? I think everyone remembers the day that they lost someone dear, and it's a somber day for you. But generally nobody calls you on that day to let you know that they are thinking of you on that day. Why is that?

Well, my best friend lost his mother on this day 1 year ago. And in many ways, since we grew up together since we were 14, I lost a second mother in the process. In fact, many of my friends probably feel like they lost a second mother when we unexpectedly lost her. But of course, not quite like the feeling of losing your own mother, which I have been lucky enough so far to avoid.

But today is an awkward day. -Even saying it to your best friend. I can't imagine how you would say it to someone who you really aren't close to? But I guess you don't want to bring up something that you think would be a bad memory for them, even though we would be stupid to think that they don't remember.

Well, I miss her. I can remember times that I won't share with you, where she really talked to me like a man, and not a child.-Even when I was a child. I could share things with her that I couldn't go to just anyone with. When you have connections with people like that and you lose them, it really doesn't allow for replacement. Because you really can't replace something so special.

But on a day like this, you can remember that person's hand in your life and pass it on in a subtle way. Because they have lived their life, and given that gift to you to share in yours. And in the end, it really is a gift that they have given you.

So, Auntie Gail. Thank you for the gift that you have given me. For not being in your immediate family, you certainly treated me like a son and I will always be grateful for that. You made me feel special and I loved you. I'm happy I got to always tell you that. It really leaves a void in my life that you never got to see the arrival of my daughter, but I hope that you are looking down, and seeing it all in a much better place than us.

But today, we remember losing you. Because we don't know what is on the other side, we look at it as a loss. But maybe you know different than what we think. Either way, I'm happy to remember your life today and we miss you something terrible...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bad Drivers!!

To me, they come down to 2 types...

Hondas and Mini-Van drivers. And before I even HEAR somebody throw out the line that matches the Honda driver with Asians, NO. I don't care WHAT colour, race, or whatever you are. But I find Honda drivers the slowest, most cautious and scared shitless drivers on the road.

If you are driving a honda, I don't like you. Sure it's great on gas, but in the winter, it is a piece of shit, and you shouldn't be driving in it. You put other people's lives in danger on the road because you can't drive effectively in your econo-car. So although I adhear to your right to be on the road, do me a favour. Get the FUCK out of the passing lane. You are only in that lane to PASS.

Pass and get over.

Your inability to drive and know the rules of the road are mind boggling. So, although you are my public enemy, you are not public enemy #1. That someone is more stupid than you is absolutely amazing, but unfortunately there is one...

The MINI VAN driver.

I have a theory about this. Way back before mini-vans were the size of tanks, you learned to drive on a stickshift Honda and then you decided to pro-create and burden the world with moving to a mini-van. Even though it is too big for, you can't drive a small car let alone a tank with glass windows comprising 90% of the vehicle.

There should be another driver's test for Mini Vans nowadays. And they should have their own licence to keep just anyone from driving them. And the fact that there are prob'ley 9 kids in the van screaming and distracting the driver probably doesnt help. And mini-vans are horrible in winter as well. -All that weight and no 4 wheel drive with a horrible driver at the helm. I'm disgusted even thinking about it.

Wanna get me MORE disgusted?

Lets talk about headsets. The funny thing about headsets is that they are comfortable, easy to use, increase awareness, cause less accidents than using 50% of your available limbs to operate a vehicle. And yet NOBODY seems to want to use them. You can't tell me that it is because of the price because they are 25 bucks. I see these drivers in Benz's, BMW's, and other high prices cars and NO headset.

Those are DUMB drivers, and there is NO excuse for not having one. If you are in the dating world, and are using condoms, they are a hell of a lot more uncomfortable, and burdening than a headset is. -But guess what, you use them to protect yourself and others from preventable accidents. I can't understand how you you use condoms, which is the worst invention ever, but refuse to use a headset. And unless you are Peter North or Jenna Jameson, you drive much more than you have sex. So get with the tmes, and get a bloody headset. They should have to come with every car and cellphone which are sold to anyone these days.

End Rant

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My "Fabulous" deaf story

I have a close knit of about 4-5 plutonic girlfriends that I have known for 15 years. They are all the best friends a guy could ever ask for. It's not often that we see each other anymore and even when our time on the phone has tapered off, that doesn't mean that our relationship has lessened.

Whenever we would get together in our 20's, it would always be a rip-roaring goodtime that has provided us with countless stories that are hilarious. One time in particular, we were in Belleville, Ont. We have a couple friends that grew up in Belleville, and we have always had a good time in that small city. We all went out to the local watering hole after pre-pinting at home.

Now everyone one of these girls is a different character which completes the puzzle of their mystique. The ring leader is a "fabulous" girl whose name rhymes with Richelle. Each girl has her own calling card, and in this case, she can work a front door like a rockstar. Walking into a packed club with her is no problem because she works the bouncer. After a few winks, arm touches and an abundance of smiles, we are all in past the gatekeeper a la gratus. Well done...

So we get to the bar and a round of shots is already waiting for us, courtesy of Richelle. She is the cool girl that every guy wishes he had for a girlfriend; tall, funny, and world of charisma. Hanging around these girls can be a dangerous thing for a guy like me. First of all, they are all good looking girls and they always are having a good time. This attracts a lot of attention from all the guys in the bar; but worse, it draws the wrong kind of attraction of every girl in the bar hating us because we all know how women can get when another woman is getting more attention than the woman watching is...

So I split on my own to seek out my own fortune.

So while I am walking about, I notice a table of people completely silent and their hands are flying through the air like Italians. After a couple minutes of watching, I notice that they are not just passionate people who like to talk with their hands, but they are deaf.

When I was a young boy, my great aunt Gerty who is deaf taught me a little bit of sign language. She taught me the ASL alphabet and through the years, I picked it up and took some courses and some private lessons, and I could have a conversation on certain levels with the deaf. Well, I guess in this case, I was outted because while I was watching the deaf people talk trying to "eavesdrop" into their silent conversation they noticed that I was staring at them. They signed to each other that I was being a loser by staring at them so I immediately signed to them to apologize that I wasn't staring, but I noticed that they were deaf.

Now deaf conversations are very fast and very long. They are often called a "long goodbye" So very quickly they asked me over and asked me what my name was and how I knew sign language. So I sat down and although I had already had too many drinks, I seemed to get right into it. I guess if you are drunk, you talk too much no matter what language you are speaking...

So while I am engaged in conversation with them and this has been going on for about 15 minutes, I noticed our fearless ringleader looking at me in amazement. She walks over to the table and asks me what I am doing so I tell her. I introduced her to the table and they asked her to sit down and the conversation starts up again.

So while this is all going on, her mouth is wide open with awe. "I never knew that you knew how to sign Chuck" she said.

"No offense, but what you don't know could fill an entire library" and I winked at her.

And as I go back to the conversation we are laughing and having a ball. All of us but "Richelle" I turn around and she is sitting there crying. Maybe even bawling. I ask her what the matter is and she tells me, "Just when I think I know you, there's something else that totally surprises me." So clearly, tears of happiness and joy, not sadness.

But the table is filled with deaf people and they don't know what we are talking about. So they ask me what we are talking about and why this girl who is now clinging to my arm is crying.

Now, I don't know what made me think of this, but I decided to tell them that she was crying because she was my girlfriend and I just broke up with her. Now picture this, that I am sitting at the table, the girl on my arm is clinging to me like a drowning sailor and crying and I am signing and she has no idea what I am telling these deaf people. I look like Johnny Cool-Guy. They think that she is a deranged ex-girlfriend who won't leave me alone even though I have "tried" to break up with her many times, and she thinks I am telling these deaf people that she's simply impressed that I know sign language and is impressed with my sensitivity.

While I'm telling the deaf people this, "Richelle" is nodding and holding my arm tighter and tighter and pulling me closer as an endearment, and the deaf people think she's just crazy and psycho. Worse, I keep telling them that she's really hard up for me and I can't get rid of her, and she just keeps laughing and smiling. Well, you didn't need to speak or understand sign language to read the looks on these people's faces. They were laughing and carrying on and we were having a gay ol' time the whole time. And this just makes me look absolutely great that a guy like me could pick up a hot chick like this, so I'm walking on water as we say goodbye and walk away arm in arm.

So, not long after we leave, we are back at the house talking about the night and all the girls are around. "Richelle" is telling all the girls about how sensitive I am, and how nobody knew I could sign. She tells the story in her eyes as she saw it and they all look at me with glee.

Now, I could've let this stand and look like a sweetie to everybody, but I'm just too vain to do this. So I tell them all exactly what REALLY happened and the room explodes with laughter. The look on Richelle's face was simply worth every beating I took from her afterwards times 10. I took that beating like a champ and it was worth every inch of pain, but then we laughed about it afterwards.

We still laugh about this to this day... Thanks girls for the great memories.

Friday, October 23, 2009

He's Just NOT That Into You...


Absolutely brilliant.I've never seen a movie where I was outted that I enjoyed so much. This movie took every male secret and exposed SO much of male dating behaviour that I wondered how there wasn't a disclaimer starting the movie to warn men watching this movie with "significant other" that there are portions of this movie that will result in grunting, uncomfortableness and shortness of breath from hiding under your jacket.

The thing is, it goes both ways in the movie. Watching it, I’m wondering if people actually "get it." I mean, I wonder if women watching a girl go squirrly that a guy isn’t calling her and she’s stalking him is off-side. I mean, we've all done it...right? I wonder if we all see that this person could've been us for a brief moment and try and justify it as being the other person's fault because "he/she did this to me"When emotions get denied and you combine that with ego being bruised, what you got here is a good old fashioned stalker.

Fatal Attraction really made it fashionable and cool. We all thought Glenn Close was so hot (even though she was really NOT hot, and they could've picked a million hotter chicks to play that role) and then went she went spastic fantastic, we were all like, "Damn...she’s crazy" But it was the guy's fault for making her go crazy though, right? Well, there is the scene in "He's just not that into you" where Scarlett Johansson’s character gets her ego bruised and she flip flops back to a guy that she doesn’t find remotely attractive, but gives her the attention that her ego needs to recover. She uses him, and then when she’s strong enough again, she moves back to her bad boy.

Repeat Process over and over...

I think that through all the good and bad of this movie, I think it depicted both the male and female sides well. This isn't a movie about men vs. women with the men trying to equal the score, but a great example of many different examples of how love makes us do some pretty shitty stuff.

The problem is, through all the logical stuff that our heads tell us, they betray our gut feeling and we, as humans are always in a constant battle between head and gut. We don't know why we don’t find someone attractive when we should (on paper) and why someone treats us like shit, and yet it makes our day when you get an email, text or phone call from them. Friends have to listen to us bitch about this which makes them want to hang themselves. You could buy a dog which could listen and give you the advice you're not going to take from us just the same as a dog could do.

So why do WE have to suffer? You know why? I'll tell you.


We live for it; that excitement is like a rare drug that we can't score from the 'hood. They haven't found a way to bottle it, but if they could, someone would be filthy rich with what we would pay to have that all the time.Yep, we all love the excitement. If we didn't have it, our body’s wouldn’t fill our brains with pheromones that make us crazy against the power of logic. That's why the saying of the "Nice guy finishes last" makes sense. It goes against all logic, but it makes perfect sense. The bad boy always gets the call. Eventually, our bodies calm down and stop betraying us and then logic kicks in. Phew!! Thank God, I am exhausted. That ride is better off for someone much younger than me. I really wished I would've understood the laws of attraction when I was younger. As awkward and clueless as I was, I don’t think it would've helped me, but maybe it would've allowed me to be a great writer on the subject for the people who wouldn't listen of why they're not that into you...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bill Cosby on Michael Jackson

One of the funniest Bill Cosby lines I ever remember out of his many to choose from , comes from the Cosby Show.

His son, Theo wanted a "Gordon Gartrelle" designer shirt that cost about a hundred dollars. This is how I remember the conversation:

Theo: Dad, can I have a 100 dollars

Bill Cosby: Ok, son. I'll bite...What do you need this $100 for?
Theo: I need to buy a shirt.

BC: "A" shirt? Just one?

Theo: Yes, but its a really cool shirt Dad.

BC: Son, Im a Doctor. I don't have a $100 shirt! In fact, the only 14 year old black boy who should have a $100 shirt should be on stage... singing and dancing with his 4 other brothers.

God, Im still laughing about that...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

When your child walks for the very first time...

There are times that I can remember as a kid. In fact, I can remember being 3 years old and having my father walk behind me on my first solo bike ride without training wheels. My father was still in his late 20's at the time. I am 10 years older now than he was then, and I can still see him at that age in my head. Obviously, I was too young to remember many of the firsts that my parents went through when I was an infant, but I do remember my first day of school and other significant firsts. Not as well as my parents do, but I do remember quite a bit from my childhood.

However, there is something so surreal that happens to you as a parent to see these moments in that child of yours, when you can still remember being on the other end.

Today, my little girl walked into my arms for the first time and I saw the smile on her face while she did it. I think she got more of a kick out of it than I did! She was so happy and so were we looking at her and cheering her accomplishment when she finally did it.

And just like that, an era had passed...

She will always be a walker from now on, and the short lived days of her not walking are now officially over. Oh, how fast they went. 11 months of waiting for her to walk are now over for the rest of time. I remember when people would ask me if she was crawling, or walking and I would say, "No, I have the laziest kid of all time. She takes after her father"
"It's ok" they would say as if to console me, "She'll start walking soon enough"

But I wasn't worried. In fact, I knew that it was going to happen and I actually really truly appreciated the days where she didn't walk. Because I knew that those days were numbered...

As long as my kid could walk into Kindergarten by herself when she is 4 or 5, I would be ok with her never walking just so that she would always be our baby. But as we all know too well, she grows; just like they all do, and then you blink and the next day, it's gone.

Well, tomorrow comes and my daughter is a walker. I don't feel sad, because I know that there are a million other "firsts" that will arrive and add to the list and slowly age her and me in the process. Slowly, she will force me into being that man I only saw as my father when I was growing up. -Just like he and my mother watched with the same interest as their first born took his first steps.

And the life circle completes itself.

I never saw myself being this person, and to tell you the truth, it's still odd to me. But I will say that although it is tough work to be a parent, it's something that makes you a better person. Sacfricing what used to be in your "old" life, for someone so helpless in your "new" life is something that forces you to be a better person. To date, there has been nobody, not even your spouse that you would do it for. But this changes when you hold your child for the first time. And then watch her walk, and then talk and then become a person that you dearly love.

Yes, I'm sure if you are reading this you have children of your own, and you can relate. You are thinking about your firsts with your kids in mind, and as well you should. Afterall, now that you have kids, we can all agree on one thing:

-That through all of life's battles, they are the one thing that we hold dear. Their life, their future and their impending happiness. Everything else is just stuff that gets in the way in that journey, or things that are there. But the real purpose to one's life is through the eyes of their child...

Now, you will have to excuse me. I have to go watch my little girl slowly break her father's heart and grow up on me, hoping that she will get the same chance to be as proud of her child someday as I am of her today...

Do stupid people KNOW that they are stupid?

Thats what I would like to know...

Forrest Gump did... He said, "I am not a smart man Jenny, but I know what love is." and then when he saw his son, he asked her "is he smart, or is he like...(me)"?

But people who consistenly do stupid things over and over again, blame others, think it's not them but the other these people have the ability to realize that they are just the stupid person that we are all talking about?

I think that stupid people down deep inside KNOW that they are stupid or at least do stupid things. I think if you got them one on one and put them in isolation to actually think about it, I think that they would come to the conclusion that it isn't the people around them, it truly is themselves to blame.

They would then blame their parents, surroundings, ect for this and not take any accountability for this, which PROVES that they just dont get it. I think these people HAVE to create a different reality for themselves so that they at least carry some sort of self-worth, and don't become depressed about what a loser they really are. They almost HAVE to in order to function in life.

In many ways, it's like talking to a retarded kid who doesn't know that he's retarded... But at least the mentally handicapped have an excuse...But worse, in dealing with these stupid people, it makes for a very frustrating time.

Its like talking to a wall. Literally.

They willl never truly get it and realize that it IS them, and that they are wired incorrectly. This REALLY sucks when the person who are dealing with is in a position of power (say for example the former President of the USA), or to the kid who takes his ball and net home in a game of street hockey because he isn't getting his way. In business, we deal with these people ALL the time. What amazes me if how nice God must be to let miserable people like this exist. They can function with normal people, even though we all don't like them, and they might even serve an engineering or medical purpose that saves lives or serves some sort of purpose.

Hell, even ugly or dumb people still get laid...THAT is what a gracious God there is up there folks...So for now, I will just go on dealing with these losers and just start writing more notes about them.

But I would like to know if you think that these muppets in life actually think that they are the problem, or that they just dont get it...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Family Pictures...

I love old pictures.

Most especially, I like family pictures, and how you can always see what year it must've been taken in. We all get these pictures done and have absolutely NO idea when we are dressing up for this event that in just a few short years that we and others around us looking at the time piece will shake their head and say, "what were you doing wearing that?!"

Ties are a big indication of what era you THINK you are living in. The 70's put out some beauties. Wide, green of every shade, and short. Thin ties from the 60's make it look like you had a piece of thick rope hanging from your neck.Hair is another point of interest. Black hair in the 70's coined the phrase "Disco Bush" in all areas of bodily interest. But just once, the 2 come together, such as in this attached picture. They melt with each other so well.

I bet this guy never realized he wore that tie for absolutely no reason that day....

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Distance and Matters of the Heart

I think distance is the hardest thing that separates the matters of the heart.

I think that the distance between someone you love can be measured in the longing and yearning you feel and the time that seems to stand still, and not the hours or money it would take to get you to your beloved.Whenever I travelled and I met the most amazing people I have, I feel a real connection to them that lasts long after the first glee runs away.

Some people might think that Im a bit of a weirdo that way, but the way I look at it is that good people are so hard to find that if I see something in someone I genuinely treasure, why wouldn't I put the effort into telling them that I value them as friends of the heart. I have many friends that travel and they meet these people and then move on and forget about them and the moments that they shared.

I just can't understand that....

I think that there are a lifetime of memories left with my newly found friends and many more brilliant moments yet to come. I gain so much energy from these relationships, and I would hope that they gain even a little bit from me.Saying goodbye to friends is always a real surreal experience. You never know when or if you will see them again. You never know what will change in the time you are apart. The dynamic changes, and it will never be the same. We age and priorities shift, and what was a great moment now becomes a memory that gets shifted behind reality. Sometimes, you never see them again and they are forever frozen in your mind in that moment and they don't age for the rest of time.

I have a hard time with that...I think about the person returning to my life and know its not possible sometimes, but I still love the idea of it. I think sending someone off should always be a special moment to remember, no matter how many times it happens. I lament watching the Tom Hanks movie "Cast Away for this very reason.

Because you just never know...

So I think whenever I'm saying goodbye, I will change the word to "Godspeed" Yes, it sounds military, but I like to think you are putting your faith in something bigger than you and trusting that the person you are sending off is cared for by something bigger than us. And it implies that your loved one is coming back to you someday. And I like the possibility of that so much more than simply saying "goodbye"...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

My one night stand

I met this girl at a bar and she said something...I couldn't really hear her, it was loud and she was almost whispering. She looked like she was from Germany with the clothes she was wearing. I'm looking at this broad thinking that she's straight outta a fairytale.
So I started calling her princess and told her that I was her Prince Charming.WELL, that was the hook, line and sinker. I had this girl from that point on. No matter what I said, she was all over me!! Now, I know Im not the hottest guy out there, but she made me feel like I was the shit. The more I started referring to myself as Prince Charming, the more the look of love in her eyes grew.
So I figured, I may as well take this chick for a test run and take her back to my place. Well, this chick went crazy all over me all night. And it was ALL night...SO, I wake up in the morning and I roll over and she was gone. I got a picture of her before she took off her clothes, she was a bit hungry when I took it. All I had was fruit, so excuse the shot of her eating. If anyone knows this broad, call me. There isn't a girl around that truly loves a short guy like me like this woman did. I'm ruined now...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Reasons NOT to date a tennis player...

I'm of Irish descent from way way way back. Both sides of my family. So I have the small beatty little blue eyes, small mouth, small ears. And most importantly like most Celts, an inability to process alcohol. In fact, truth be known, if you took all the Celts (Irish, Scottish, Welsh) out of all the Alcoholics Annonymous meetings, you would have a book club...

But Anyways, there's also the business of the "Irish Curse" that I would like to discuss. It's not something we can help, we are born without the massive 3rd limb that certain members of the female population find intruiging. Thus the term "Irish Curse" so now that you know what I mean, I can continue.

Where I get all fussy is the teasing... I can stickhandle in a phone booth, and I'm pretty good with my "puck control" but there's always some woman out there who feels that I am the "lunch bag letdown" because of my Irish heritage.
Last week I was down at the Rogers Cup watching some tennis. I met what seemed to be a very nice tennis player, and being a celebrity herself I would've thought that descretion was a given.

So we went out that night and had a few too many drinks...yada yada yada

So I'm watching her match the next day, and all of a sudden there is a break in the match. She lost total concentration and because of this, ended up losing the match. Something about me looked to be bothering her. She starts pacing the baseline in disappointment, then looks at me in the crowd and makes an angry face and to make me feel worse, goes over to the linesmen pointing in my direction and became really upset. I get all bashful because I know its me that she's upset with because of my drunken performance the night before.

To make matters worse, she goes to the umpire in the chair and starts belittling me in front of 10,000 fans!! I'm never dating a tennis player ever again. Here's proof that she was talking about me. I took a picture of it to make you guys know that I'm not paranoid...


Thursday, October 15, 2009

When Smoking IS the Answer...

I know I'm old, but that shouldn't detract from my message.

Do you know what makes me freak out? Is when I see little punks wearing gangbanger clothes. I mean, as if life isn't hard already, but these kids want to go out and ANNOUNCE that they are trouble, or want to stir it up. Most of the time, it's just about getting attention, but it's the wrong KIND of attention.

We all give young girls a hard time if they go out and dress provocatively or just plain slutty, but we never give the boys shit for dressing in what could be the male counterpart of attention getting.

The sideways hat wearing, long shirt having, walking like you have a lump of shit in your low waist wearing pants MF's are just goofy looking. If we had a kid in our highschool that dressed that stupid, we would've not only told him how stupid he looked, but if he didn't change it, we would take him out back and SHOW him how stupid he looked. That sounds stupid, but one less gangbanger is an improvement to the society I want to live in.

The thing that bugs me, is that the parents having these rogues don't stop them from being punks!! For gods sake, their parents grew up in the late 70's and 80's when rock and disco rules, not hip hop suburbia. The parents are to blame for this shit, not the kids. Kids just wanna fit in. If someone gave them a full length mirror and showed them how really stupid they looked, and nobody else they knew dressed like this, they wouldn't be caught DEAD in these threads.

And the last thing... Like nobody can figure out that with all the troubles cigarettes are doing to shorten lives, these kids still think that smoking is cool. Now THAT is the smartest thing they've done yet...

Actually, I think I'm being too hard on these guys, so I started being that COOL guy who carries a lighter in my pocket (even though I've never smoked in my life) just in case a gangbanger needs a light. I now hang out at Scarborough Town Centre outside the movie theatre and offer lights to any gangbanger who needs one...

Anything I can do to speed up the process Kid....LOL

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The best way to lose a lot of money...

Well, there is no "Best" way to lose a lot of money. BUT, if you are going to lose it, how would it hurt less? Well, I had the opportunity to experience this.

Before I start, I didn't lose my wallet in a store after just making a big withdrawl, I didn't leave money lying around, I wasn't robbed and somebody didn't wrong me.

I was in the UK visiting a dear friend when I looked at my blackberry in the early morning. Before I had left, I put together a deal that was finalized a day or so before I left. This was one of my most prized deals and I was very happy with the fit and it was one of those deals that you put together which works out so well, that you almost can't think of taking money for it. But in this case, I was going to make an exception and get paid for it ;)

As I looked at my blackberry, I saw that the deal had fallen through and was unexpectedly broken and couldn't be fixed. I had lost a lot of face in this deal that fell through, and although losing the money was going to sting, it was bigger than that.

Reading this made me feel like I had been kicked in the nuts. I literally made me sick to my stomach and my mind whirled with "what went wrong, is this a joke" and all the other things that you ask yourself when something goes wrong.

I looked up in disbelief and the look on my face must've said it all...

"what's wrong Chuckie? Is everything alright?"

I almost answered and told my friend the truth. But then, I became aware of why I was standing in that kitchen in the first place. My dear friend's husband is fighting throat cancer, and I was there to help her out in her time of need. So somehow, telling her that I just lost a truckload of money didn't really seem appropriate.

I can always earn more money, and I have the rest of my life to make more of it. having your health and your family seem to be something that is really most valuable. And suddenly I felt stupid.

"Nothing is wrong, everthing will be ok" I responded back.

Because everything has always turned out ok for me, and has always worked out. Not always the way I wanted it to, but it's always been ok.

You don't necessarily need to have faith in God, or religion, or a saviour. But you do need to have faith in SOMETHING. Something always seems to be the one thing that carried me through tough times and has always allowed me to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the view was bleak.

I asked my friend with throat cancer, "are you bitter, frustrated, sad, any of these?"

"No, He said. I don't have the energy to waste being bitter. I need all the energy I have to be positive and fight this"

How odd...Here I was in perfect health for the time being and I have that extra energy that he doesn't, and I choose to waste it on emotions that cost me energy rather than create it.

So if you ever think life is hard, look at it from another angle. This was the best way I could've lost a lot of money...

Saturday, October 3, 2009

A Pay-It-Forward Thank You

I was in a London, England train station when a perfect stranger had approached me with the dreaded words, "excuse me".
Looking her up and down to size up this stranger took a second or two, but after seeing a luggage bag, what looked to be her partner, and seeing that she was dressed well made me a little less apprehensive.

"Can I help you?" I asked

She said, "Are you heading into London today?"

"Yes, I just arrived" I said back

"Well, here are tickets for the subway (underground, tube, T-Bana, whatever you call it from where you live) And then she handed me her 2 tickets and walked away.

Just like that.

It took me a couple seconds to clue in to what just happened; but when it sunk in, I looked up to her as she was walking away with her partner and shouted out, "Thank you"

But I didn't feel like it was a proper thank you for her Random Act of Kindness (RAK) I mean, I had this happen to me before once in a parking lot where someone would give you their parking ticket if they had time left on it, but this was something that was worth way more in value.

And yet she asked nothing for it...

As her train was leaving the station, I made it a point to look up at them, and holding the subway passes up in the air, I motioned and mouthed the words, "Thank You" again. But I still felt that I could not thank them properly.

The reason I say this, is because I have been that person to approach someone else and give this away. In a small way, you almost feel like you are giving away a winning lottery ticket. I usually look before I choose who I think would need it, or be the most deserving, and then when I give it to them I look to see the reaction they give me. Usually, you catch the person totally off guard and I guess I was no exception, but generally, I walk away feeling good about my RAK.

Even though the person can never give you the full and proper thank you, their reaction is usually reward enough. But yesterday, I was on the receiving end for this, and I just hope that I passed with enough humility to have made that person understand how truly grateful I really was.

So if you are paying-it-forward with a RAK in a small or a big way, and not expecting it to come back to you, I can assure you that when it does come back (and it will...) it will leave you with a smile on your face.

This person just happened to get me very early in the morning, so it really started my day and trip off on a good foot. Most likely, I will never see that person ever again, but I can thank them here on this forum. And in doing so, maybe you will create an opportunity to do the same thing today or in the near future....