Wednesday, May 11, 2016

What to do when you've been unfriended on Facebook

Ever looked on your Facebook and sometimes thought, "So and So has been really quiet lately, and I haven't seen anything from them lately."

Then you go to their profile page only to discover they have unfriended you. Hmmmmmmm. We've all had that happen, right? Here's what I do when that happens.


There's really something brilliant that happens to me when I see I'm unfriended. I see my tribe of people narrowing and narrowing into a body of people I would want to be surrounded by. Most people have you in their lives for conditions, and those conditions change. If they decide to take away their "friendship" away without telling you or because of some opinion or action you've done, they weren't much of a friend anyway. At least not in my book. Hell, you can even unfollow a person on Facebook without unfriending them. But if someone wants to unfollow me or unfriend me, it's their issue to deal with, not mine.

Now to be clear, if someone reaches out and addresses the issue with me, that's a different story. But to a person who didn't like my post about Hillary Clinton, Jian Ghomeshi, Donald Trump, The World Trade Center conspiracy, or otherwise, I'm better off without having them in my stratosphere. I don't really care if you are friend or family. In fact, it's probably easier that way for the both of us.

Because I don't need anyone to agree with me. I don't need anyone to throw sunshine up my ass. If I can hear your POV, understand and accept it, then I would hope that you would be able to do the same. The problem lies that most people want to be heard and understood, but don't want to reciprocate. They listen to reply, not to understand. They react instead of understanding the other's POV, trying to convince them they are wrong. But a person convinced against their will, are of the same opinion still. So agreeing to disagree is a viable, workable option instead of arguing.

People who unfriend people on Facebook seem to be people devoid of communication skills and almost use the tool of unfriending as a weapon. If they used the unfriend button as a way of respecting their own boundaries, power to them, yet in my experience, it's rarely the case.

So every time I notice someone unfriended me, I am grateful for being surrounded by one less person who isn't supposed to be on my Journey, and I wouldn't accept it. The person who unfriended me was probably always a person I didn't want to share a path with, but I was hopeful that they were going to be who I wanted them to be, and not accept them for who they were always being.

So the unfriending was a gift after all, and not a rejection of me. After all, life's rejections, are God's protections.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Why You Should Write

The quiet of the early morning is intoxicating to me. I sit in front of my computer screen, sipping my coffee, having gratitude for breakfast, and create my day as it slowly unfolds. There is music in my ears to awaken the groggy writer within me, almost as if I summon him.

I allow my mind to meander. This creates the improvisation that becomes writing. And then the magic appears. Words appear on the screen. I write and write, without a care of the content, or fear of judgement from what it says. I simply write. Generally speaking, I have a basic template which keeps about 20% of the content I write. The trick is to keep writing until I get into a rhythm. Sometimes its an hour, sometimes it comes quickly, and sometimes it’s not there at all. However, each time I write, I improve. Improving is the goal, not the writing. Writing is simply a vehicle I utilize to improve.

I’ve found writing to be incredibly cathartic. Even though I’ve written 3 books, which may or may not sell, the real beauty was the person I got to become in the process of writing those books. Perhaps most people write for the agenda of being an author, or the dream of becoming rich and famous, or promoting their product or service. And those may be viable reasons to write. My reasons to write are simple. It makes me a better person. It empowers a voice for my soul to speak. It shares a message which includes those people it resonates with. Call it community, or tribe, there is comfort in the familiarity that you aren’t the only person going through life alone, dealing with what you think is the loneliest, most significant part of your Journey, as life goes on. 

It’s times like this I am reminded that the greatest triumphs in my life had their origins with a series of unfortunate events which aligned me to where I was supposed to be. The things that never were, were never meant to be. I can take solace in the view that my life is exactly where it’s supposed to be, and not where I think it should be. After all, life’s rejections are God’s protections…